Unlike in the states where apartments are a dime a dozen, here in London, finding a flat is like having a day with no rain - rare and beautiful when it actually happens.
So I have been searching high and low, north and south, east and west. Finally, I found an agent - no one does any property dealings on their own, they all hire agents to do it - that allegedly had a few properties to show me. I also - against all odds - found a guy that was boycotting the use of letting agents and had a place "a few" tube stops north to show me.
Friday afternoon, I line up 3 places to see on Saturday morning with Natalie, whose phone voice, I feel was a form of false advertising as she mistakenly sounded not only like someone that cared about her job but also like someone that knew what her job was. We arranged to see two places that were 2 bedrooms and a 3rd place that was a one bedroom. We arrange to meet at her office at 9:30 in the morning. She mentioned that she had an 11am appointment as well, so assuming that she kept to some form of scheduling, and she would need some prep time. I assume we will be done around 10:45ish. I arranged to meet Phil - the letting agent boycotter at 11:15.
Yes, I know what they say about people that assume....
So, like a good little flat hunter, I show up to the letting office at 9:30 on the dot. Natalie is just taking her coat off and setting her things down. OK, my thought, she knows I'm here for 9:30, she's got it all arranged, maybe she was just running late - happens to all of us - no biggie.
Apparently at the tender age of early 24, Natalie has developed some sort of deterioration of her memory...and I would later find out her other faculties such as common sense, logic and good taste.
Anywho....Natalie proceeds to ask which properties I was going to see? Um, excuse me? I wasn't sure of the exact places (since I wasn't the letting agent) but I described the photos I had seen of the places and the prices and then she seemed to remember. Then she picks up the phone...at 9:30am...and proceeds to call people to arrange to show the properties...in 15 minutes!!! I'm sitting there in my little chair thinking to myself, 'now when I was a kid, my mother wouldn't let us use the phone in the morning until after 9 am, she said it was rude to call people before that. Honestly, I agree with her and I still go my that rule for the most part to this day. I think it might be rude to call people at 9:30 and tell them you're coming over in 15 minutes...that is worse than calling them before 9am...and on a Saturday!!!
But I sat there and kept my mouth shut...
Surprise, one of the people wasn't up yet, and didn't want to let anyone in until noon. Natalie looks at me and asks if that's alright? Did she forget she had an appointment at 11? I told her no, I had another appointment.
She was not making a good impression here!!
So off we go to see 2 places...it is now 9:50.
She couldn't find the keys to one of the flats, so it took her a while to search through all the keys in the lock box. While I was standing there waiting for her, I happened to look in the key lock box, and to my surprise, there were a lot of skeleton keys hanging there!!! Um? Hello, when I said I was looking to stay in the range of 1200-1500, I meant for rent, not the year 1500!!!! Skeleton keys!?!? Are you kidding me?!!?
Then off we hop into her little car and off we go to start seeing my flats...my potential homes...my future home sweet home.
I really only had a few requirements for flats, and I was pretty specific with Natalie about them, 1 - must have a washer and dryer, 2 - must not be ground floor, 3 - must be close to either the Piccadilly or Central tube lines.
On the ride over, Natalie violated about 10 various US traffic laws, some of which I have to assume might be internationally recognized...like going through the red light and such. She has cranked the heat up to Sauna setting in the little car and I am starting to wilt. Mind you, it was about 6 degrees Celsius out which is about 40 Fahrenheit - no need for the sweat lodge conditions. She has also proceeded to tell me that she doesn't like the US, so she can understand why I would want to move to the UK, however, she's never been to the US...real reliable intel there Natalie. And we are also driving for what seems like a few minutes longer than infinity. But never fear, Natalie has assured me that this is in a very posh area, I'd be lucky to get this place. The little extra time that it might takes is a small price to pay for living in such a great area.
But the extra tube fare is not a small price...
Time check...10:12...anyone that knows me knows that I am to the point of being anal about being on time. My plan was to leave Natalie's office by 10:30. So now I am a bit perturbed that she might make me late for my next appointment. You know I am barely contained at this point, but I still have a smile on and am being rather pleasant and talkative. I mean really, what do you expect me to do? Call her out? I need a place to live!! I am outwardly sweet as honey to this freak.
And then we arrive at flat #1
Stats on the first place: 1 - Bonus - its a gated community 2 - walk to the Piccadilly line - not an option - like 2 miles 3 - walk to the Central line - 10 minutes - totally doable - 1 requirement down. 4 - There is a washer and dryer - great - they appear to be so old and a few pieces potentially missing that I question the machine's reliability - not great. 5 - The flat had a lot of space, very open floor plan, nice bathroom - points there 6 - Almost no closet space - where will my shoes alone fit?!!? 7 - last, oh but certainly not least - it is on the ground floor - Houston we have a problem..."Oh, but that's not a problem," says Natalie, "There are bars on the windows and doors, they just slide back and forth so you can hide them and not even know they're there." Um, there are so many things wrong with that statement, I don't know where to begin!! If it's a posh area - why do you need the bars? Hello, its a gated community and you still need bars on the windows? Not a problem, Natalie?!?! Have you smoked some crack this morning and forgotten what the purpose of bars on windows is? Let me refresh your memory - there are 2 purposes for bars on windows, 1 - to keep the inmates in, 2 - to keep the thieves out. I do not want to feel like an inmate while sitting in my living room praying that the thieves will be deterred!!
Next please!!!
I think Natalie senses at this point that we may not be seeing eye to eye on our definition of livable spaces...
Time check...10:27...I am getting antsy at this point. If she causes me to be late, I will be so ticked!
In hopes of at least peaking my interest, Natalie drives a few blocks and shows me the outside of the place that we can't see because she didn't bother to pre-arrange viewings.
Now I do recognize that I sound, shall we say, a bit bitter, sarcastic and slightly enraged with the whole situation, abut I do assure you that I was nice for a bit longer, I kept my irritation well hidden and I just kept my mouth shut - since I didn't have anything nice to say, I felt that was the best option....
Stats on flat 2... 1 - Ground floor - again....but at least no bars on the windows, not sure if that's good or bad though, but the area looked nice 2 - "Natalie, did this one have a washer and dryer?" "Oh, I can't remember, I think it has a washer, I'll have to check about the dryer, though." AAHHHH 3 - "Natalie, this seems a bit further out than the other one, is it still close to the Central line?" "Oh, no this is really close to the Hammersmith line. You can just switch tubes and you're fine." Um, OK, anyone that knows anything about the London tubes knows that you absolutely do not just switch lines on weekday morning!! This is tantamount to driving to New York from Jersey via Philly! Makes no sense takes you out of your way and wastes loads of time. Natalie, there is a reason I had these things down as required...not a nice to have. That was my only thought as we did a u-turn and drove away.
"How did you like it? Want to come back later today and have a look?" asks Natalie. "Well, since it isn't centrally located, its on the ground floor and it might not have a dryer, I'll take a pass." "Oh, right, right, you did say you didn't want a ground floor." responds Natalie. My thought - um, yeah - that's not the only thing you were supposed to pick up on from that statement, but whatever....
Time check 10:35. I'm going to be late...is it rude to call someone about a viewing while you're still in the car with a letting agent?
We drive in silence to the 3rd place. Now Natalie proceeds to tell me that she is just driving around a bit so I can get a feel for the area, don't I like all the parks and the greens? Yes I do, but are those council flats over there? Council flats are the UK equivalent to Section 8. Natalie informs me that they are former council flats and they are rents to anyone now. Yes, I am sure that's the case - they are rented to anyone - this is evident by the abandoned rubbish laying about, the clothes hanging from every balcony, the children wondering aimlessly about and the teenagers milling about on the corners...yes, I'm sure that anyone can rent them....I don't even care how snobbish that sounds - this is my future home - I don't want to share the neighborhood with thugs that require bars on windows to be kept out of places they don't belong!!
3 wrong turns and a near miss of running over a pedestrian later, I kindly inquire as to whether this flat we are to be looking at is pretty close by? "Yes, I think its just around the corner"
"What's rent on this one again?" I ask. "I think around 295 a week." FYI, rent around here is calculated by the week, even though it is paid by the month. Its a throw back "back in the day" when rent was paid by the week, but apparently no one has felt the need to change the practice...like anytime over the past 40 years or so. So when a place it advertised for £325 p.c.w - that's per calendar week - it really means you have to take 325 times by 52 (weeks in the year) then divide by 12(months). So £325p.c.w really means £1408 per month. Yeah - I just roll my eyes, too. "Its a great flat for that price." Says Natalie. My thought - yeah - I don't really want to bargain on my safety and security....
Time check - 10:50. I am so late!!! From here office its like a 10 minute walk to the tube, then I need to switch tubes - so its like 30 minutes total - I'm already going to be 10 minutes late and we haven't even gotten to this place yet!!
"Do you have an appointment at 11, Natalie?" I casually inquire. "Oh, I'm sure I do, but they can wait a bit."
That does it....I wouldn't want that done to me and I wouldn't want to do it some else. I don't do business that casually and I don't want to do business with someone that does. She obviously does not work on commission!!!
"Um, you know what, I'm not really getting a great feel about the area, and you can't find the place, so lets just call it a day."
"Oh, well, I'm sure the place is just around here somewhere."
"That's OK, I think I've seen enough for the day."
"Alright then, if you're sure. I do have a few others I could show you later today or Monday if you like," She adds.
Is she serious?!? I think its glaringly obvious we are not seeing eye to eye on the subject of my future home sweet home....
"Actually, if you don't mind just dropping me off at the tube station, that would be great. I'll let you know about the other places, though. Let me see how my day goes."
"OK," she replies faintly. I don't even care what she thinks of me at this point, and the least she can do is drop me off and save me a 10 minute walk. I mean really - she's the one that made me late in the first place!!
Again she makes a few driving maneuvers that make even the speeder in me a bit nervous and skids to a halt in front of the station. As I say a hasty goodbye, she thrusts her card at me. I grab it and head into the station at a run.
I'm sure that somewhere in this city, Natalie is telling her mates about the crazy little American that didn't say much and didn't see much and ran from her car. That's just fine by me. She can think what she wants. I will sleep peacefully in my 2nd floor flat sans barred windows and know that I made the right decision to run.
Time check 11:01...Calling Phillip now to apologize profusely for being late and not giving him a lot of notice that I will be late. We had arranged that I would call him when I got to the tube stop and he would give me directions from there. It was a short walk and he said they were easy directions. Some alarm bells went off - like why can't you give me the address before, but I sometimes think I am too distrusting, and I talked to him for a good 10 minutes on the phone, so I had kind of decided that he was a decent guy so I brushed off the directions thing as reading to much into it.
Anyway, I call and apologize. He takes it in stride though. He seems very relaxed and assures me that he lives a few blocks away from the rental, so whenever I get to the station, just give him a call. He knew what station I was currently at and said I should be there in 20 minutes at the most.
35 minutes later....
I arrive at the tube station. Hmmmm...I think I don't want to be on the tube this much everyday. He knew I was new to the area and he was really open about telling me that it took him about 20 minutes to get to central London in the mornings. 20 minutes by horse? Because its definitely not 20 minutes by tube. It was so far out that even my monthly tube card didn't work since I was so far out of Central London - they calculate trips by zones. Zone 1 and 2 are central London. Phillip's place is in zone 4!!!!
So I give him a call once I get out of the station and he informs me that he is right around the corner just visiting with a mate and he'll came right over and we can walk together.
Phillip shows up clutching a leather bound journal to his chest like it contains the secrets of the universe. He is wearing a coat that is about 6 times too big for him. He looks to be maybe 110 pound soaking wet and the coat could be worn by Heavy D and all his boys! His hair is all slicked back and his teeth protrude a bit. He reminds me of a weasel at first glance.
My thoughts....He better only look like a weasel and not act like one or we are going to have issues. Although, he was pretty small, I could take him out if I had to.
And off we go....
It was a good 10 minute walk and he was a very pleasant guy. I think maybe he doesn't get out much and was maybe happy to have someone to listen to him. He told me all about the area. The neighbors, his business, his other 3 properties, his philosophy on life, etc...
Also - interesting fact, Clive Owen, the actor - his house was only a mile a way from the flat I looked at. Sadly, that would have been the biggest selling point.
Long story short here, as my fingers are probably as tired as your eyes are after reading this - it was a very nice place…sort of...it had potential. He had just bought it a week before and it needed some work, he explained everything he wanted to do with it, all the changes he intended to make, etc. He seemed sincere about it as well, but in all honesty, I've been there before with a landlord and I'm not falling for that again - live and learn. Also, he just kept talking and talking...I was there for almost an hour!! The place wasn't that big!! It took like 10 minutes to go through it! The rest of the time he was just chatting away.
It was a nice place though, and had it been closer to the city, I would have considered it, but I had to give it a thumbs down for location and extra expense for the tube fares.
Time check....12:52. Yes, I double checked my clock, too! I couldn't believe it!!
At this point, I think I started to unravel. I did so well with the time difference all week, but I wasn't sleeping too well. Added to that, Natalie had virtually eliminated any tolerance level I had previously. Finally, I was hungry - and I am not really pleasant when I get really hungry.
I had to get out of there and get home. I was suddenly just absolutely exhausted! Like a switch had been turned off in me and it was everything I could do just to keep functioning.
Thankfully, Phillip and I wrapped it up rather quickly after that and he walked me back to the tube station. That was really nice of him and he said he just wanted to make sure I got back safely. Honestly, I think he just wanted to keep talking.
35 minutes later....I got back to my tube station, walked back to my temporary home and hit the sack.
I will resume my flat hunting activities on Monday now as I need a mental break and I need to reassess my requirements. I think I will begin looking closer into the city - like walking distance to work. I believe I will be foregoing the 2 bedroom and looking at 1 bedroom now. I discovered a lovely thing here called council tax. Council tax is really the equivalent of property tax in the US, with a twist. If someone owns a rental property, the taxes are to be paid to the council by the renters, not the property owners. In theory, it makes total sense, and I honestly don't have a problem with it, but the calculation is off of square footage, so to have an extra 100 square ft for a 2nd bedroom is not only a higher rent rent, but additional council taxes. So while I would love to have all of my London visitors in their own guest bedroom, I think I'll just crash on the couch and give up my bed for the weary travelers. You can thank the council for it:)
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