This is actual information from their pamphlets. Since I'm not making any £, $ or € from this blog, though, I think I might not be breaking any copyright laws….
Also, as a disclaimer, understand that I have no answers to what some of this stuff even means - my look of confusion resembles yours as you read this…
Final disclaimer - the spelling is correct - no matter how crazy it looks!!
In the Top 10 Achievements for 06/07 section, outlining the city's improvements and achievements for the year…
02 - Delivered over 1200 Decent Homes….wonder how many indecent homes there were delivered?
10 - Responded to 93%of emergency calls within 10 seconds…..huh? I would hate to be in the 7% group…
In the Council's budget layout for 06/07… Line item - Efficiencies and other savings….overbudget by £23,673
Listings for the Westminster City Council Services...some have descriptions, some do not (but maybe they should:)…
Amenity Services
Animal Warden Services
Bins
Births
Business Rates - For queries in relation to business rates, including payment methods and billing enquiries….just a thought here, but rates for what business?
Carers' Network - We offer advice, information and support for carers living in Westminster
Citizens Advice Bureau….not sure what advice the citizens may need, but here is the bureau to help
Community Intelligence Line - The Community Intelligence line is a way for residents and businesses to report all anti-social behaviour…..my guess is that every sulky teenager has been reported?
Considerate Builders Scheme - We help regulate building site activity to minimise nuisance and inconvenience to the public….hhhmmm - the government that closes down streets at the drop of a hat for construction in the middle of the rush hour…are they somehow exempt from being a nuisance? Maybe those two groups don't talk to much??
Oh wait…I didn't read far enough…
Considerate Roadworkers Scheme - We help minimize the inconvenience caused by roadwork….see comments above:) Contaminated Land Register….my first thought is that if you are contaminating the land - you might be loath to register that fact?
Deaths…this is nice - do they get together with the Births dept to reconcile dates?
Faith Exchange
Fruit Exchange
Hanging Baskets - For information about the hanging baskets sponsorship scheme
Houses of Multiple Occupations (HMO)….interesting interpretation of the traditional HMO concept…
Older People…huh?
And (I think) the best one of all….
Rough Sleeping - A dedicated helpline for members of the public who are concerned about people sleeping rough in their area….who are these people? What is rough sleeping? How would you know if your neighbors are rough sleepers?!?!
Suspensions…of what exactly?
Tenders - For a list of the current formal tender advertisements
And last but certainly not least for those in need….
Toilets - For a map, list of facilities, or if you have an enquiry about a public toilet….um, yeah - what kind if enquiries do they possibly get…wait…never mind…I don't want to know.
And for your convenience, this document can also be provided in Albanian, Arabic, Bengali, Chinese, Polish, and Portuguese…apparently Spanish, German and French aren't as necessary as Albanian.
As an FYI, the above note is only printed in English….not sure if that is helpful or not - I may need to call Citizen Advice Bureau about that…but then again, what do I know - I'm only (possibly) a carer of my community
Hhmmm…that was a bit sarcastic, I hope no one contacts the Community Intelligence Agency to report me for anti-social behaviour.
Oh well, if that happens and I get in trouble, please have the births and deaths departments meet so they can get my dates right…and maybe sponsor a hanging basket in my memory.
But please, no worries….don't sleep roughly over it…your neighbors might take notice and call in about you as well.
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