I have found (the hard way) that unless you look like a local, act like a local and speak like a local…you are a taxi driver's dream. They assume you have no idea where you're going - hence the taxi; they assume that you won't know that they are driving you the long way there; finally, they assume that when they hear the American accent (yes, novel idea, but all Americans have an accent, not just the southerners and the Texans) that you have no idea what to tip them…so you will overtip…CHA CHING!!
To avoid any and all issues with taxis…follow 4 simple rules no matter where you are in the world:
1 - What happens in the taxi stays in the taxi…you will never see that driver again…and even if you do…he/she will not remember you…and even if they do…what do you care? Now the caveat here would be that I might divulge some experiences (mine and others) below, but I will change the names of those involved…unless its me, then, refer to the above…I don't care.
2 - The approach or hailing of the taxi is key - it sets the whole tone for the adventure. First and foremost, look like you don't need a ride. Don't be waving your hands and dancing in the street - the taxi will speed up and the driver will laugh as he flies past. The harder the rain, the more animated your gestures, the harder the taxi driver will laugh…just trust me on that one. A good head nod or slight wave will get the job done. The rationale, I believe, is is the more desperate you look, the more you will talk, and see below…this does not bode well for you. Approach the taxi like you aught to be driving it.
3 - Know where you're going, kind of how to get there and have someone tell you how to pronounce it BEFORE you get in the taxi. DO NOT assume that even if you are nice, they will be nice back and help you out. WRONG! Mispronunciation = 'Sweet!! A foreigner! She has no clue!! CHA CHING!!' Don't be that guy/gal! I was….my address is Norfolk Place. In the US, it would be pronounce Nor…folk…two distinct syllables…nor like nor'easter storm, and folk like folk art and folk dancing. In the UK it is pronounced norfk….one syllable…nor is more like the nor in north, almost no stress on any of the three letters - separately or together and with the f and the k, you just run them together so that they are almost one letter. It took me a good two weeks and quite a few extra pounds and dour looks to get it right. One driver made me repeat it like 5 times, pulled out his pocket map, made me spell it and then said, 'Oh!! Norfk, Luv, you need to learn to speak English!" I am not usually a violent woman…but lets just say my thoughts that ride were less than Christian. Basically - say it and mean it and they think you know it!
4 - Once you tell them where to go, NO MORE TALKING! Unless you actually know the area and/or the language fluently, then shut up. The more you talk, the farther out of the way they will drive because; A) now they know you have no clue and b) they know that if you're talking you're not paying attention to the route…or the metre. Its not like in the movies - the taxi driver is not your best friend. The taxi driver doesn't need anymore friends than the other fares he has picked up since the start of his shift that thought they were his new best friend. You and Mr. Taxi aren't going to swap recipes and grow old together and tell your friends that it all started when you got into soandso's taxi and hadn't a clue where to go for dinner. Its OK not to say anything…you're not on Taxicab Confession here…they don't care how your day was or that you couldn't find your keys this morning. They care about you only to the extent that you have enough local currency to pay the tab…and even when it turns out you have pounds, but not enough euro, you can totally talk your way out of it!
Oh wait, now you might be wondering how I learned this little tidbit, so I will give you a brief summary…since it was a brief encounter. The one and only time I have talked to the driver was the basis of one of the worst date (his word NOT mine) that I have ever been on. First, technically, it wasn't even a taxi driver, it was a limo driver. Secondly, he initiated the conversation - Not me! This may have been because curiosity got the better of him since I was the only one in the limo and I'm guessing he was wondering how a young thing like myself (27 at the time) would (or financially could) have a limo hired for herself…company dime thank you very much…but he didn't know that. The ride, or more aptly 129 minutes of sheer nauseating banter and pre-pubescent come on lines to the likes of which has been outlawed in some small countries was the most unsettling 129 minutes of my life. I believe he may have had the mistaken assumption that I cared about the fact that he had quit his most recent 'gig' as a cabbie due to some 'unforeseeable' differences of opinion with the boss and that now he was a 'freelance' driver for a few different rental outfits. Um, freelance driver? Yeah…can you say no one will hire me full time…He also thought that I seemed like the type of person that wanted to hear about his 'solid business plan' This was said about 4 octaves lower than his normal speaking voice, and I can not describe the look on his face or the twinkle in his eye that was reflected in the rearview mirror when he said this. Needless to say, to this day, I am unsettled in actual meetings where we review business plans thanks to that freak. Long story short, when the sweet sight of my car in the company parking lot came into view, and I was able to run (well, not so much run as walk briskly…like faster than a speed walker on caffeine pills) from the limo, he followed me with my bags and proclaimed (again on the Barry White but not quite voice) that he really loved talking to me and got a good vibe from me (huh? I was so agitated I thought I was shaking - he must have misread that, too). He thought that it was a great first date and wanted to know where I wanted him to take me for dinner on our second…now I do give him props for creativity, had he maybe been any other guy at any other time…and actually charming, I might have thought that was a good line….But he wasn't!! So when he asked for my number, I gave him the number for the outside line to our security office (I used to forget my badge a lot and had to call the security booth guys too many times to count).
I believe I may have gotten off track…but the point remains the same - do not speak to the driver…do not even speak when spoken to!
5 - Tipping…in the US, we are big tippers…bigger than anywhere else in the world I have been or have heard from other people that they have been. I know in the US we pay people something a kin to slave wages, so tips are basically the only money they make. But this is not true for Europe as a whole…some places its even a insult to overtip!! A good rule of thumb - anything under 10 pounds/euro, don't bother with any tip at all. Anything over that - maybe 10% if you feel like it. If not, then don't tip them. This does take a bit of getting used to….and yes, I did waste a lot of pounds the first few weeks I lived in London, but you get over it pretty quick! First, you go through denial - 'I can't believe you don't tip here at all!' Then there is a period of guilt - 'Oh man - I didn't tip him enough!!' Then there is anger, 'I can't believe I was over tipping those guys all this time!!' Then you sink into a wonderfully enlightening phase of, 'I love this place - there is no tipping basically!"
Always remember - when in doubt, don't worry about it - you'll never see them again!
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